Life on this planet is full of challenges. We experience pain, trauma, injuries, powerlessness, sickness, heart breaks, depression, poverty, low self esteem, confusion, addiction, & despair. And we can experience it quite a lot.
And there are those times and even long periods where nothing works out for us. I spent most of my life in that mode, where everything I intended backfired on me. Everything I tried to do failed. From jobs, to starting businesses, friendships, sobriety, and having a place to live.
And in those states we constantly ask ourselves “Why is this happening to me?” And we compare ourselves to others. “Why am I going through all this while this other person seems to have it all?” “Why do I experience all this pain and despair, is there nothing to life but this darkness?” But we go through victim consciousness so we learn and remember how to move into & embody creator consciousness.
All of these experiences are there as opportunities for us to heal and grow. We choose our experiences and create everything in our life, at all times. And things around us are constantly mirroring to us what is within us that we need to take a look at to evolve and heal. On a soul level we want to see how we respond to certain experiences. Does this trauma consume me, and do I let it destroy me, and allow it to affect me the rest of my life? Or do I face this, overcome it, and be more empowered from it. It is always easy to blame and resent someone else for what we went through. It is not easy to take responsibility for our part of the creation and heal it that way. To forgive. And often on either conscious or subconscious levels, we blame ourselves. So I’ve found the most healing way to work with forgiveness is to forgive yourself. I’ve had life changing awakenings and healings come from forgiving myself. And it doesn’t always go through the first time. When forgiveness goes through for me, then the gratitude comes after. If I can be truly grateful for the experience and lessons that came of it and have alchemized that into wisdom, then I know it is complete.
As humans we get stuck into habitual patterns and belief systems. These programmed thought forms that we pick up through television, news, parents, friends, carry over with us from past lives, and ones we create ourselves based on our experiences. In order to move forward, heal, and evolve it requires us to change our thoughts, belief systems, and how we are currently approaching life. This is an ongoing process and takes intentional focused effort to accomplish. It requires us to dedicate time aside to go within ourselves and look at these things. To figure out and remind us who we are as an eternal soul and who we are as a fragment of God, connected to all in existence as at times. Seeing every other person as an aspect of ourselves. And releasing judgements of ourselves and others and learning/remembering how we can love ourself and others, even if we do not agree with them and how they are choosing to live their life.
As we heal ourselves and change these thoughts and belief systems, we raise our vibration. And when we raise our vibration magical things start to happen. We begin to attract better experiences and can manifest what our heart desires. And it often does not play out how we believe it to or plan it to. Especially now, things are constantly in flux and changing moment to moment.
Fear is what often holds us back the most. After a lifetime full of feelings of failure, we can become afraid to take chances, to move forward. We fear that we can make a mistake at any time and ruin it. We get plagued with the “What ifs?” Something I still am working through. But when we are in that fear, those fears often end up manifesting. When you are so afraid of losing something, that you are not able to give yourself fully to what you are wanting, then you can manifest the outcome of that fear and you end up losing it. Or you continuously attract what you are afraid of and cycles repeat themselves. “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.” That quote is rather famous from Yoda in Star Wars. And he is saying it to Anakin Skywalker, who is having fears and visions of the future, of his lover dying. He did not let go of those fears, and exactly what he feared he created himself as a result and lost her.
When we want to make our dream come true, change ourselves, heal, have a project we want to do, or make a life change it can often feel overwhelming. Like we don’t know where to start. It can feel like a big mountain. And when we don’t have money in the bank and many resources, we can easily prevent ourselves from starting. We each can come up with an infinite amount of excuses and justifications for not doing something. “I don’t have time” “I don’t have money” “I’m too tired” “I need to this other thing first.” When we start becoming aware of our excuses we have the ability to overcome them.
When it is like that you take an action, even a small one. People that take action right now & trusting end up supported. And it’s tuning into your intuition and listening to it. My entire adult life I almost never had more than $2000 in my name and most of the time it was far below that. And in the United States that was always very little. In November/December of last year when I had the realization I wanted to explore Ayahuasca/Yage and move to Southern America to explore it, I didn’t have any extra funds. But I took action. First I talked to a childhood friend that went to Peru and lived in a retreat center. I just took the action to call him and talk to him about it, to find out more. He ended up not having a good experience at the place he went and that didn’t end up being an option for me. But he gave me the email of a friend in Peru, one I contacted that did not end up getting back to me.
Around those months I had connected to someone on Facebook (Eduardo) and was seeing his posts about working with Yage/Ayahuasca in Ecuador and had been on the path for decades. I wanted to message him and ask him about what it was like there and so on. But even then I was holding myself back, saying I wasn’t ready and I would do it later. I didn’t have the money, and so on. I decided to ignore that and send him a message that day. And from there built a friendship with him and 4 months later I was in Ecuador. I had to work through and let go of a lot of fears. I was going to a place I had never been, where I didn’t speak the language, and trusting someone I met online. But I pushed through those, and put my faith in God and in myself, that I was at a point that I knew I was going to attract something positive. I sold just about everything I had, including my car, and moved my entire life to Ecuador in 2 suitcases and a backpack. After saving some money and selling everything, I moved to Ecuador with less than $3000 to start a new life with no back up plan. No pillow to fall back on, because I knew I had to do it that way and not have doubts. And now Eduardo is a great friend and I have worked with the medicine, made very special connections, and have grown tremendously. A lot more of my own healing and soul evolution has taken place because I took a small action to start with, of simply sending someone a message and healing/letting go of the fear and excuses.
Recently there was another manifestation that took place with very little money. I manifested a dream property here in Ecuador. And it started by taking action, by looking at properties. By talking to friends and people around me that this is what I wanted. When I looked at the first property I found a white feather at the end of visiting it and knew I was on the right track. Although that one didn’t work out and I still didn’t have the funds to buy it, I just felt and knew that it was going to manifest. That it was already done. It was one of the first times I felt that way so strongly. I even told people “This is ready for me, it will manifest soon.” And then it manifested and I was able to work something out with my friend/landlady here that owns a big property to sell a piece of it to me and pay it off over time.
For me I’ve found abundance and manifestations come through friendships. And the way the world is shifting right now, connecting with others and building these relationships is one of the most valuable things you can do. We are meant to come together and help one another, and help each other achieve our dreams.
Healing ourselves is not easy. It is one of the hardest things we ever do in our life. Healing and soul evolution is often filled with shadows, darkness, hardships, and pains. We don’t tend to look to evolve ourselves and change if everything is going great. When we look at our life and realize that we are not happy with the way things are, and want more, then we can start taking steps to change and heal what we need to within ourselves so shifts take place. Resources & support always are available to us and come in when we need them. And oftentimes they are much closer than we think. Asking for help is not easy, but that’s another fear we have to let go of. And then we have to allow ourselves to receive and accept the help.
I have given up a lot. And have found that my journey has required that surrender and to give up. I can’t count or remember how many times in life I have given up, one way or another. But that is part of the process. Saying “I can’t do this anymore, I give up” is when you are truly ready to change. You surrender all of that you are holding onto and that is creating the resistance in your life and you open yourself up to a new way of doing something. A new way to look at something, and doing something you were not willing to do before. And that is how it was for me. It was more of the mentality “What else could I possibly lose?” so I might as well try something new. And then shortly after those times when I was willing to try something I hadn’t tried and open myself up to a different path, that is when things changed. Support came unexpectedly that changed my life.
We are never alone. We didn’t come here into this life without a tremendous amount of support. We all have spirit guides and entire teams of beings that guide us and help us move through life to create what we want. When you start asking those beings, and God, for help and to give you thoughts, signs, and intuition as to a next step… they deliver. You open yourself up to receive healing and guidance, and pay attention, as sometimes it is subtle, but other times it is a big message right in front of your face or strong feeling or knowing that is difficult to ignore.
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Love & Blessings